My Friend Drax
by theaspiringwriter23
Summary: Drax tries really hard to bond with Rocket but any attempt he makes at getting close to Rocket comes off as unintentionally insulting, annoying, and degrading to the irritable procyon.


It had been a few days since The Guardians had defeated Ronan and saved Pillatona from a giant monster. Rocket had just finished his morning routine, getting dressed, brushing his teeth, you know the drill. He was about to go into the kitchen when two of the biggest idiots he's ever known, Drax and Quill, stepped right in front of him, really happy about something.

"Hey Yoda", Quill greeted.

"Whose Yoda? 'Cause it ain't me!", Rocket said, confused, "Anyway, what do you morons want?"

"We got a surprise for you in The Milano", Peter said happily.

Rocket cocked his eyebrow suspiciously.

"This ain't some kind of practical joke is it?", Rocket questioned.

"No, it's not THAT", Peter said.

Rocket sighed.

"Okay, you have my attention but if you're lying, you'll find turds in your bed", Rocket said.

Peter rolled his eyes.

"And if you do that, I'll shave you", Peter playfully said.

"I'd like to see you try", Rocket egged him on.

"Let's just go to the cockpit", Drax said, getting kinda bored.

Quill, Drax, and Rocket went to the cockpit. Quill and Drax were excited to unveil their surprise to Rocket. Rocket, meanwhile, was just bored and didn't give two shits about whatever they had in mind. That is until he saw what they unveiled.

Drax and Quill walked over to a seat that had a tiny seat belt that would fit around his body and small pedals that would fit his feet and were very, very close to where his feet could reach them. But it also had a built-in seat near the pedals. In other words, a booster seat. Rocket was, to say the least, embarrassed and shocked but he didn't know what to say.

"We made a seat just for you", Quill said, proud of himself, "with brakes that can fit your feet and a seat Drax and I put together so you could see out of the window better. What do you think?"

Rocket groaned.

"It's...fine I guess", Rocket said annoyed.

Drax then walked up to him and patted his head like a dog.

"I knew you'd like it! Good boy!", Drax said.

Suddenly, Quill got worried and Rocket got pissed.

"No one calls me a good boy!", Rocket said angrily.

Drax backed away.

"I'm sorry my friend, I didn't mean to talk to you like that", Drax said, worried.

"Yeah, well you SHOULDN'T HAVE TALKED TO ME LIKE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE! WE'VE LIVED TOGETHER FOR 6 DAYS, YA IDIOT! WHEN WILL YOU REALIZE I'M NOT YOUR PET?!", Rocket ranted.

Then Rocket picked up the seat off of the chair.

"Y'know what, maybe I'll just have to beat it into you!", Rocket threatened.

Peter then jumped in between Rocket and Drax.

"Hey man, Drax made a mistake! He didn't mean to talk to you like a dog", Quill said.

"Yeah, well he's gonna learn not to talk to me like that again", Rocket said.

"C'mon man, let it go. I think throwing a temper tantrum is enough to show him", Quill said, trying to reason with him.

This just made Rocket angrier.

"I'm not throwing a temper tantrum!", Rocket said.

"Dude, dude, Drax is your friend! Do you really think he'd say something out of malice?! Plus, he's an idiot! Y'know that! He's not trying to be condescending, he literally doesn't know any better!", Peter pleaded.

Finally, Rocket calmed down. He sighed.

"Fine, I'll let it go this once Drax but don't you ever treat me like a dog again!", Rocket warned.

"I'm sorry, my friend, I'll be more careful", Drax said.

"Good! Now get out!", Rocket threatened.

"Okay, okay, we'll leave", Peter said.

Peter and Drax started walking out of the room.

"Ya think he liked it?", Drax asked.

"With Rocket? Who knows?", Peter said.

Rocket sighed and put the, well, booster seat back on the chair. He sat on the seat and couldn't help but admit that he did have a better view of the window than he originally did. Granted, he was able to see what was going on okay but he did kind've have to look up a bit, which put a bit of strain on his neck. And the new, Rocket sized pedals would probably help him steer the ship better than the original pedals, which he couldn't reach. He just didn't particularly like being reminded of his limitations sometimes. It didn't help that Drax had to treat him like a dog.

He sighed and jumped off the seat. He then went into the kitchen where Quill and Gamora were hanging out. Drax rushed to Rocket. Rocket looked up at him.

"Rocket, I am so sorry again for calling you a good boy", Drax said, terrified.

"It's fine, Drax, I forgive you. Also, thanks for the seat", Rocket said, annoyed.

Drax let his guard down. However, he then did something that would turn out to be a mistake. He started petting Rocket.

"I knew you'd like it", Drax said, relieved.

This made Rocket angry all over again. When Drax was about to stroke him again, Rocket snapped and tried biting his finger, which made Drax quickly pull his finger away.

"Dammit Drax! You think that because I let you pet me once, which only happened when I was crying and I needed someone to comfort me, you can pet me all you want?!", Rocket yelled.

"I'm sorry, I was just trying to bond with you", Drax said.

"Well, stop treating me like an animal! No petting! No patting my head! NOTHING!", Rocket warned.

"Okay, I'm sorry", Drax said.

"Good", Rocket huffed.

He then turned and looked at an open cabinet. He saw a bag of bagels next to 2 cereal boxes. Drax, wanting to do anything to make his relationship with Rocket better, quickly went to the cabinet and got the cereal.

Rocket sighed. "Please tell me your getting that for ya self", Rocket said.

"No, I'm getting it for you, I wanna do anything I can to make you feel better", Drax said.

"Well, if you wanna make me breakfast, maybe get me the right thing? I want a bagel, you dolt, not cereal!", Rocket said.

Drax was about to reach for the bagels when Rocket cleared his throat. Drax looked at him.

"Isn't there anything your not saying?", Rocket asked.

Drax was confused, as he didn't know what he was supposed to be say.

"I don't think so", Drax said.

"Umm...how about, "Hey Rocket, can I get something for you?" and then I'd say "Yeah Drax, can you get me those bagels?", Rocket said.

Drax was even more confused.

"But why do I need to ask? We all know it's hard for you to reach them, wouldn't it just make more sense for me to just get them for you?", Drax asked.

"It's called ETIQUETTE YA MORON", Rocket said angrily.

"I'm sorry, if you prefer that, I shall do that in the future. Rocket, can I get you the bagels?", Drax asked.

Rocket rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, whatever", Rocket said.

Drax just stood there, confused.

"Is that a yes?", Drax asked.

Rocket started getting really impatient.

"Just make me the damn bagels!", Rocket said impatiently.

Drax got two bagels off of the shelf and put them in the toaster oven. Rocket sat down at the table, waiting for his bagels. Suddenly, a communicator on his wristwatch started going off. He pressed a button and a screen of a pinkish guy with slick hair and a suit came on.

"Is this Rocket, bounty hunter and Guardian of the Galaxy?", the man asked.

"The very same", Rocket said proudly.

Suddenly, a picture of a ghostly white, blobby man came on.

"This is Zanza, a thug who was an employee of mine until he stole half my cash and ran off with it", the man said.

Then the screen switched back to the man.

"I need you track him down in Xandar. If you find the man, I will give you 1 million units. Would you be willing to find him for me?", the man asked.

Rocket smiled, excited knowing he had a new bounty on his hands.

"You can count on me!", Rocket said.

"Good, me me at my office on Xandar, on 123 Zalbayta Road in about three hours. Meet me in my office, on the 15th floor. And bring him to me alive", the man said.

"I'll see ya there", Rocket said.

He then turned off his communicator and realized that he'd need help to catch this man because he couldn't exactly carry Zanza by himself. He looked at Drax, who was taking his bagels out of the toaster. He realized Drax could help him transport the man. Drax looked at Rocket.

"Small friend, would you like some cream cheese on your bagel?", Drax asked.

"Yeah, sure Drax, listen, ya wanna do something together? To make up for upsetting me twice?", Rocket asked.

Drax lit up. He still felt bad for calling him a "good boy" and petting him and wanted to do anything he could to make it up to him.

"Sure, anything you want, furry friend", Drax said.

He then walked over to Rocket and placed a plate of two bagels in front of him. Rocket looked at him.

"Ya probably overheard but I've got a bounty I need to catch and, well, the guy wants him alive. I dunno why but he does! Anyway, I need someone to help transport the bounty. Would you mind helping me out?"

Drax smiled.

"I'd love to", Drax said.

Rocket and Quill landed the ship on Xandar. Rocket and Drax were standing at the door. They looked at the other teammates.

"We'll be back soon", Rocket said.

Rocket and Drax walked out of the Milano when, suddenly, Drax picked Rocket up.

"What the-?!", Rocket shouted.

Slowly but surely, Drax put Rocket on his shoulders. Then he started walking into town.

"What do you think your doing?", Rocket asked, annoyed.

"It tends to get very crowded on Xandar. I feel you'd be safer up here because people would be less likely to step on your tail or bump into you", Drax said, "Besides, you like hanging out on Groot's shoulders so why not mine?"

"Okay dumbass, first of all, I rode on Groot's shoulder only once when I was around you, and that was to get a better aim. And second of all, you've seen me walk on Xandar by myself before and, oh right, I was able to handle myself just fine!", Rocket said, "Also, if I wanted a piggy back ride, I'd climb on you".

"Well if you climbed on me, your claws would dig into my skin and I'd have scratches all over my body", Drax said, "I picked you up because it wouldn't hurt my body".

Rocket couldn't help but admit Drax was right. Drax was shirtless and made of flesh and bones so his claws would've sank into his body, which would've hurt him. He then sighed.

"Fine, you can pick me up but, again, ask if I want a piggy back ride first next time, okay?", Rocket asked annoyed.

"I'm sorry about that my friend", Drax said.

"I'm sorry my friend", Rocket mocked, "But ya never learn, ya moron", he kept muttering.

"What?", Drax asked.

"Nothing", Rocket said, sighing.

They walked into town and two girls walked up to them.

"Aww, your pet raccoon is so cute", one of the girls cooed.

Rocket groaned.

"I'M NOT CUTE, I'M NOT A RACCOON, AND I AM NOT A PET", he shouted.

The girls just kept cooing.

"D'aww, it seems like someone's gwumpy", the other girl said.

Rocket just got angrier. While Drax was oblivious with almost any social situation, even he could tell that Rocket was getting angry. So he tried quieting the girls down.

"He doesn't like being called cute and he is not my pet, he is my friend", Drax said.

The first girl just smirked.

"Okay, but he is a cutie", the girl said. This caused Rocket to roll his eyes. Then they left.

"I'm sorry about that, my friend", Drax said.

"It's okay, I get that all the damn time", Rocket said, defeated.

Drax carried Rocket all the way down to a tall building on 123 Zalbayta Road. Drax put Rocket down on the floor and opened the door for him. Rocket walked into the building followed by Drax. They then walked towards the elevator. Rocket went on his tippy toes to try to reach the up button on the elevator but it was out of reach for him. Drax saw him struggling with reaching the elevator and quickly pressed the up button. He smiled at Drax but Rocket groaned and rolled his eyes. Granted, he couldn't reach the button but he would've preferred if Drax had asked if he could press the button for him. In fact, that was a problem Drax had in general-instead of asking him if he needed help with things, he just quickly came to his aide, which, despite being helpful, Rocket couldn't help but find annoying and unintentionally condescending. And today, he had asked him about three times to ask him if he ever needed help and yet Drax kept helping him without permission.

They got in the elevator and Drax pressed the button for the 15th floor, which was again out of reach for Rocket. They went all the way up to the 15th floor and stepped out of the elevator into a brownish room where the man Rocket was talking to on his communicator was sitting behind a desk. Drax and Rocket walked to the desk and sat down on the chairs facing the man.

"Hello men, my name is Balthazar, the most famous crime lord of Xandar", Balthazar said.

"Yeah, I know who ya are", Rocket said.

"For many years, Zanza was my #1 employee, the man I seemingly could always trust. However-,", Balthazar started.

"Cut the crap, man, just tell us ya plan", Rocket said.

Balthazar sighed.

"I want you and your friend to track down Zanza. We don't exactly know where he is but we know he's most likely hiding out somewhere on Xandar. Our best guess is McZinnigans, his favorite restaurant on Xandar. He goes there every day for lunch", Balthazar said, "Not only that but he always goes there at the same time every day, at 1 p.m. Get a table there and see if you can find him then bring him to me so my boys can deal with him properly".

Rocket and Drax went to McZinnigans and got a table. Unfortunately, while Drax fit at the table fine, the table only went up to Rocket's head. Drax was a little concerned that his friend could barely see over the table. He then looked at a waitress and shouted,

"Excuse me ma'am, can I get a booster seat for my friend?"

This really embarrassed Rocket.

"D'ast it Drax, do you have to say that for everyone to hear?", Rocket asked, embarrassed and annoyed.

"I'm sorry my friend, I just thought you would need one", Rocket said.

Rocket groaned and stood up. When standing up, he was able to see over the table better.

"There? Now I don't. Ya happy?!", Rocket asked impatiently.

"Are you sure you want to stand the whole time?", Drax asked inquisitively.

"I'm fine Drax, really", Rocket said impatiently.

The waitress came with the booster seat.

"Take that away, sweetheart", Rocket told the waitress.

The waitress left and Drax shugged his shoulders.

"If you say so", Drax said.

"Besides were not really eating here", Rocket said.

"Were not?", Drax asked.

"Of course not, ya idiot. Were just hear to look for-", Rocket began explaining.

Suddenly, Rocket saw Zanza talking to the maitre'd.

"Drax, look behind you", Rocket told him.

"Why?", Drax asked.

"Just do it", Rocket said annoyed.

Drax turned around and saw Zanza as well.

"I do not see anything", Drax said.

"Drax, see the white fat guy? That's our guy", Rocket said.

Rocket saw Zanza be directed to a table by the maitre'd and then walk towards the bathroom once the maitre'd left. Rocket smirked.

"Drax, our man's going to use the bathroom. Let's go catch him", Rocket said.

He leapt off and walked towards the bathroom door followed by Drax. He looked at him.

"Okay, I'm going to go in there and confront Zanza. When you hear me say "And my friend Drax will take you in", you burst in, got it?", Rocket told him.

"Yes, my friend", Drax said.

"Good", Rocket said.

Rocket jumped up and took a hold of the doorknob. Unfortunately, he saw that the door said occupied and he jumped back down.

"D'ast it, this bathroom has a lock on it. New plan, we will just wait for him to get out of the bathroom and wing it from there. Sound good?", Rocket asked.

"Sure", Drax said.

Suddenly the door went from Occupied to Vacant and Zanza walked out. Rocket stood right in front of Zanza.

"Are you Zanza?", Rocket asked.

Zanza scoffed.

"What do you want, badger?", Zanza asked.

"I'm not a badger, I'm a bounty hunter", Rocket said, "and your boss wants me to bring in".

Zanza chuckled.

"You? Bring me in?", Zanza asked. Then he grabbed Rocket by the fur on the top of his head and picked him up off the top of the floor.

"You couldn't hurt me if you-".

"I'll save you Rocket", Drax said.

Rocket was about to take his gun out of a sling on his back when Drax punched Zanza, causing Zanza to drop Rocket, which in turn caused him to fall down on his ass. Zanza also fell down on his back. Drax ran over to Zanza and was about to grab him by his shirt when Zanza kicked him in the nuts with his foot. This caused Drax to take a hold of his nuts and fall down. Zanza then quickly got up ran away while Rocket was still recovering from being dropped on his butt. He then walked over to Drax angrily.

"What the hell, Drax?!", Rocket said angrily.

"You said we were going to wing it. You looked like you were in trouble so I was just trying to save you", Drax said.

"I had it under control, ya d'ast idiot! I was about to take out my gun, which would've most likely scared him and then I would've warned him I'd shoot him then you'd take him and we'd go back to Balthazar's and get the units! But NO you had to be a "hero" even though I didn't need saving!", Rocket ranted, "Also, what's with you man? You're always trying to help me or protect me! I can handle myself just fine! And stop treating me like a pet while you're at it!"

Drax got up.

"I'm sorry, friend Rocket, it's just that-".

"I know, I know, trust me, I know all about your culture. You people take things literally and value stronger and taller people over smaller, weaker people so you think that, because I'm small, I'm weak and can't take care of myself", Rocket said, "And you also treat me like an animal because I look like one. But try man, just try, to forget about everything you've been taught about people like me, okay?"

Drax sighed.

"Well, can you handle yourself? I mean, your pretty independent for the most part but you do have trouble reaching for things and sometimes you need seats on top of seats to see things better. Plus you can't really punch people", Drax said.

Rocket stopped and realized he was kinda right, his height did make it harder for him to reach for things and, yeah, sometimes he did need a booster seat to see over things. He then sighed.

"Listen, I get it, I can't do literally everything you can. But if you think I need any help, just ask me. Don't jump in and just help me because, for all ya know, I have things perfectly under control. Just doing stuff for me makes me feel small and insignificant and it embarrasses me whether or not I actually need the help! Also, if ya wanna give me piggyback rides, fine, I actually kind've like them, but again, ask me if I want one before ya do anything", Rocket said, annoyed.

This made Drax feel bad.

"I'm sorry, friend Rocket, in the future, if it seems like you need any help, no matter the situation, I promise to ask for your permission to help you first", Drax said.

Rocket sighed.

"Good, now I got a plan", Rocket said, "Let's ask the maitre'd if he saw the direction Zanza went in. After our fight, no way he's still here. Then we go out and try to find Zanza. Also, seeing as you wanna help me so bad, get on your knees and I'll climb onto your back. That way, I'll get a good shot at Zanza".

Drax got on his knees. Rocket put his paws on Drax's shoulders and jumped onto his back by springing towards his shoulders with the palm of his foot. Then he sat on Drax's shoulders.

"See, I found a way to climb onto you without digging my claws into you. Let's get going", Rocket said.

Drax and Rocket went to the maitre'd.

"Sir, did you see where Zanza, this sorta whitey, blobby man went off to?", Rocket asked.

"I saw him go to the left of the restaurant", The Maitre'd said.

Drax carried Rocket out of the restaurant and they ran to the left of the restaurant. Rocket used the communicator to call Balthazar. Suddenly, a screen of Balthazar sitting at his desk popped out.

"Balthazar, bad news. We lost Zanza", Rocket said.

"What?!", Balthazar said, annoyed.

"Hey hey, were trying to find him! Is there any place around the restaurant he could've gone to?!", Rocket asked.

Balthazar cooled down.

"There is a little grocery store around McZinnigan's called Vonnels Groceries he liked to buy his groceries from", Balthazar said, "Try there and if he's not there, find him. I don't care if you have to search the whole damn planet, I want his head".

"Will do", Rocket said. Then he turned the screen off.

"Drax, look for a little grocery store called Vonnels", Rocket ordered.

"Will do", Drax said.

As Drax was running, he stopped when he saw a little store with the exact same name. Suddenly, they saw Zanza walking out of the store. Quickly, he saw Drax and Rocket and started running. Drax and Rocket chased after Zanza. Every corner he turned, they turned to that corner too. Every direction he went, they went his way. It seemed like they were chasing him for hours, even though it was only about 10-20 minutes, until they backed him into a corner. Rocket took out his gun and pointed it towards Zanza.

"Zanza, I order you to come with us. If you do anything stupid, I promise I will blast your head off", Rocket said.

"Okay, okay, I'll go with you", Zanza said.

"Good", Rocket said. Then he jumped off of Drax.

"Drax, take him away", Rocket said.

Drax grabbed Zanza by the wrist and took him back to Balthazar's. Once they returned Zanza to Balthazar and got the units, they left the building.

"Should we, Guardians of the Galaxy, really be helping a criminal like Balthazar commit murder?", Drax asked.

"Ehh, a job's a job", Rocket said, as they heard people beating Zanza up.

"Well, we do make a good team at least and you taught me that you don't have to be a person or strong and big to be powerful", Drax said.

Rocket was a bit confused as to whether or not he should be taking that as a compliment.

"Umm thanks, I guess. Hey Drax?", Rocket asked.

"Yes?", Drax responded.

"Can I ride on your back on the way home?", Rocket asked.

Drax smiled and started leaning down.

"Nah, it's cool, you can pick me up", Rocket said.

Suddenly, Drax picked Rocket up and put him on his shoulders. Then Rocket rode Drax's shoulders all the way to The Milano. Rocket was happy that, besides Groot, someone cared about him even if, like Groot, he could be a bit unintentionally condescending towards him from time to time. Though he did kinda wonder whether or not he really wanted someone else to care about him. But right now he wouldn't worry about that and he'd just let Drax carry him home.

The End.


End file.
